The Things I've Discovered

I've discovered that self-aware is different than self-conscious or narcisistic.

I've discovered that vulnerability requires incredible strength.

I've discovered that I've placed more unrealistic expectations on myself than my family or the media ever could.

I've discovered that I'm a feminist only to the degree that it doesn't strip me of my femininity.

I've discovered that I love real, raw, honest heart-to-hearts because they are a window into someone's soul.

I've discovered that hair dressers do far more than dress hair.

I've discovered that indulging the wild, silly, unhinged side of myself is like taking off a sweaty mask.

I've discovered that removing my focus on an ambiguous after-life brings this life into much clearer focus.

I've discovered that 32 years of marriage to the same man is the best investment I have EVER made.

I've discovered that some of the best conversations happen around a fire and a bottle of wine.

I've discovered that my favorite weekends are the ones where my world contracts into a little bubble with all of my favorite people in it.

I've discovered that I'm an introverted extrovert. 

I've discovered that people are just a different shade of "me", colored by the things they've been through.

I've discovered that to be alone with my thoughts can sometimes be destructive.

I've discovered that the human touch is the most powerful of all elixers.

I've discovered that there are far fewer blacks and whites than once imagined and that grey is a pretty color too.

I've discovered that my life has been a dance to a really groovy beat.

The Art of Not Giving a Sh*t

"It's my blog and I'll write what I want to, write what I want to, write what I want to." 

(Sung to the tune of Lesley Gore's 1963 version of It's My Party not the Icona Pop version although the tune may be the same and the "give a sh*t" message is more pronounced in the Pop version giving it more of a distinct connection with the theme of this blog post but I happen to like the original 1963 version and so that's the one I am singing this to and would appreciate it if you did too! )

Now, I don't like to stir up the mire and I'm not about changing the world with a few simple, poorly processed words. That's why I like people like George Carlin and others with a voice bigger than mine who tell it like it is and don't back down. I usually let them speak for me, occasionally adding a little Like icon under a really great quote, but more likely just giving them a silent thumbs up. 

I said "thumb".

Somewhere in my past I was conditioned to bite my tongue, hold my opinion, let down the hem of my skirt and not wear false eyelashes in public. 

(unless of course you're going to a masquerade party or one of Joyce's cougar parties where all rules can be temporarily abrogated for false airs of being somebody who is not actually you).

But this post is about NOT giving a shit. It's about asking myself the questions: Why is it so important to me what people think? Why do I forgo the right to have an opinion when it differs from everyone else in the room? Why do I feel the need to choose the long skirt over the short one when I still have legs worth showing? Why don't I have the courage to end a conversation with a spiritual person by saying, "I won't be praying for you but that doesn't mean I don't care?"

I like wine and spirits. But before you assume I've completely deviated from my already convoluted thought processes, let me explain. From my personal experience, wine and spirits (and other substances which I have less experience with) are filter adjusters. They tend to break down some of the primordial walls we've built, loosen our tongues a little and maybe, if we're lucky, cause us to do something inanely "out of character" that leaves our company in stitches. This is how life should be all the time!
 (No, I'm not advocating drunkenness or barbarianism).

That  said, I want you to know that I like you. No, I LIKE you. I like you if you're homosexual or transgender or swaying in any direction. I like you if you're Buddhist or Mennonite or any religion or none at all. I like you if you're smarter than me or prettier than me or funnier than me. I like you not because of how you act or what you think or what you wear. I like you because there's going to be something worth liking about you if I keep an open mind. 

So, at least in this short moment of time, I don't give a shit what people are saying about me or thinking about me or perhaps that they aren't thinking about me at all. I don't give a shit that you might just give a shit. I just want to be me. And you to be you. I want to speak and be heard, and to listen and really hear. 

I want to have fun, be a little reckless, give more hugs, use the occasional naughty word, live life on the edge, laugh, be laughed at, and perhaps wear that cute little number that's gathering dust in my closet. Maybe even write a book like Miriam Toews, cause she doesn't give a shit.

Let's live...cause we live only once. And practice the art of not giving a SH*T!